Love, happy, cancer and pie

Love, happy, cancer, and pie

I’m giving myself more permission to just feel happy any old time.  Why?  Feeling happy is a sign of self-love -- really letting oneself feel the glow that registers as “happy.” 

We’re well past all of the Hallmark hoopla that was Valentine’s Day, when we’re all supposed to be focused on that romantic love that mostly doesn’t exist in the real world, in our real lives.  Don’t get me wrong.  I cry at weddings.  Romantic love has its place and I dearly love my partner of 27 years.  Our wedding day was one of the five best days of my life.  But Valentine’s is about the lacy hearts and red roses and chocolates version of love, the kind that Hallmark and Godiva sell us, not the I’m-with-you-through-it-all kind.

So now, let’s talk about one of the other kinds of love: self-love.  It is underrated most of the time. 

What is self-love and where does it fit it?  First, what it’s not.  It’s not about ego, the part of self that protects us, the part of self that manages our interactions with others and the things of the world.  Ego is good and necessary, but not a source of self-love. (Even though it can falsely lead us to believe that a new car or new clothes or a new job are sources of self-love.). Self-love is not about selfishness, egocentrism, or narcissism.

I think self-love is about tuning in to your own spirit, which exists largely within your own heart.  It’s quiet.  It’s gentle.  It’s the intuitive voice. It helps us accept our faulty human selves and make the choice to practice kindness towards oneself anyway. Self-love is about letting your spirit love your humanness.  It’s about just you and you.

I learned about this when I had cancer.  That was when I knelt at the altar of my own mortality and learned to not only ask for what I wanted, but to listen, really listen, for what my spirit wanted me to know.  And it was clear:  Start tuning in.  That was it.  I was to start listening to my own intuition about how to take care of this body, this human self.

I did that.  It wasn’t hard, either.  But it was different.  I “moved the needle” just a bit towards loving my body and honoring my own needs.  I still had a job, a family, a partner, a home, friends, all the things that kept me looking outward.  But I learned to let my attention go to what my inner voice said would be good for me.  And that became my intention.  That is really what changed: my intention.

What does that look like?  Actually going for a brisk walk nearly every day.  Pausing to take the spirulina that I was told in a dream to take as I hurried by it, instead of telling myself, “I’ll get back to that later.”  For 12 years, I’ve also taken the mushroom formula recommended by my acupuncturist.  [I dislike mushrooms, generally, but take this twice a day.] I choose to stay at a healthy weight and to do little things, like take an Epsom salt bath when I’m tired and achy.  I now experience self-love in other, non-physical ways, too, like by meditating, learning a new skill set, and giving myself the tools to help make those efforts successful.  Sometimes, I respectfully decline a social offer when I really want some quiet time.

And, now and then, I bake a really good pie and share it with friends, enjoying every little bite.  Because it makes me happy, and happy is a sign of self-love.